Everything has beauty, but not everyone sees it.

~Confucius

• Our Culture

  

  
  

     The society that we’ve created doesn’t help either. They paint the picture(quite literally, see Photoshop) of perfect women and men naturally drool. They do it for one reason, and one reason only, it sells products. But it has another effect, doesn’t it? A cultural effect where women, normal everyday women, now feel that they aren’t perfect, that they are not beautiful.

  

     While looking for a photo to go with this article, I’ve seen some pretty disturbing things. I chose the easiest one to look at for this article, but Anorexia’s real. If you’d like to see what I did see then you can head over to Google and type in Anorexia. They say that there are several different causes but when you look at the list they seem to boil down to our culture. Yep, society is to blame for this. Women under constant pressure to fit a certain ideal of beauty, because they know that is how men choose their mates.

     And, of course there’s the younger years when mean kids say mean things and it scars us for life. It does everyone, unless you learn to let it go. And it can be family, too. Poorly chosen words hurt, and they seem to hurt women a lot more deeply than men, at least that’s my experience. Sure she may blow it off but you’ve hurt her. Example? Sure!

     I’m not skinny man, I’m not. If someone walking by were to say to me “What a fat ass.” and were clearly speaking that to me, I’d likely turn to them and say something to the effect of “Why thank you for taking time out of your day to notice me, you have a wonderful day!” and that would be that. If someone were to say that to a woman, she’s scared. Oh sure she may brush it off with a comment but deep inside, she’s scared.

     As I’ve said in previous articles what you put attention on is what manifests. Or where attention goes, energy flows. So, if you’re walking around continually thinking “I’m fat”, for example, one of two things is gong to physically manifest. First one, you’re going to end up fat. Or, even worse, the second one is you’re going to continually see a fat person in the mirror while you starve yourself. Either way, clearly you were scared.

     Okay so what can be done? Well a shift in culture would be nice. I’m not saying for the culture to promote obesity, but I am saying to stop using unrealistically thin, clearly unhealthy, women for advertising. It’s causing a cultural melt down. Secondly, everyone needs to understand how women think. Before you say ANYTHING to a women realize that she doesn’t just hear and process the words, she FEELS them.




• To the Ladies

     I want you to hear me well, you are an amazing creature. You are bright, funny, sexy, and fun. If you do not believe me, I ask that you take it in as faith and repeat it to yourself continually. When people look at you they see the qualities that you believe to be true. If you were to change your thoughts to other things, you would turn every head in the room. Instead, for example, of seeing yourself as heavy I want you to see yourself as a happy, energetic, and as the fabulous woman you are.

     You can even add athletic into the mix of your daily thoughts, if you feel it necessary. Being athletic will keep your curves kickin’ but you need to promise me and yourself something right here and now… 1,600 calories PER DAY is the bare minimum that a woman should be taking in. Please, make sure you’re doing it. The healthier those 1,600 calories are the more you will get to eat and the better you will feel, but the bottom line is MAKE SURE YOU’RE EATING!

     Women are the creators on this Planet. Sure men can build things, men are good at lots of things, but God gave women a gift. A very special gift that nothing any man can ever do will compete with. A man makes a small donation and inside of the woman something magnificent happens, a momentary spark that thrusts a spirit into flesh. Do you realize that at that very moment we are given EVERYTHING we need for this journey? The miracle that grows inside of a woman comes out fully functional and ready to take on the World!

     Sure, we need to nurture the baby. We need to care for it, teach it, love it unconditionally. But we should never let our EGO get in the way of the fact that in one mere flash of an instant something of PURE magic happened inside of the woman. God gave women the power to sustain life as it grows inside of her, until it is ready to join us in the World.

     Simply amazing! Women truly are magical. What I see when a woman walks by is what she wants me to see. What I mean by this is if you love yourself, if you think of yourself as sexy, and you do yourself up not for others but for yourself and because you live for watching men drool over you then you will most definitely be turning heads all day long, everyday. What you think you become.

• To the Men

     The women in magazines are a product of Photoshop, not a product of God. The perfect woman does not exist, I know there’s a bunch of women reading this that do not agree. But the last time I checked there’s only been one perfect human being to ever walk this Earth and His name was Jesus, the rest of us are flawed in one manner or another. My point is for the men to look around, see the beauty that is all around us.

     When I look at my mate, I see a miracle. Not just because of how we met but she, herself, is a beautifully stunning miracle. I make a solid effort everyday to watch what I say and HOW I say it to her, because I know that women do not hear words they FEEL them. And I want my piece of magic everyday. What is my piece of magic? Not what you’re thinking, I’d bet. When I look into her eyes, even from across the room, her eyes instantly smile back, they shimmer with joy. In that instant I can see her soul and I know she’s truly happy, that’s my piece of magic.

  
  
  

     I don’t take her for granted for one moment, and I continually try to remember that she’s a creature of feelings. Us men are mostly creatures of logic so we have to be careful that we’re giving hugs, holding tightly, telling her that she is beautiful, and always making sure she knows how incredibly special she is! I also continually insert positive things into her mind, because I know she’s had a rough life. I don’t want her to think, even for a second, that she can’t accomplish something. Instead I want her to know how remarkable she is and that she can do ANYTHING she puts her mind too.

     I want her to know while yes there are other beautiful women in the World, in my eyes, none of them compare to her. She isn’t the sun but she brightens every room, every place we go, and every part of me. She completes me in every way, I love her laugh so I make a special point to make sure she laughs every day! I want everything for her, I want her to know true happiness, she makes me want to be a better man.

     And one more thing, men. Women are reading the man’s section too, I can guarantee it, and I just want you to know guys that she WANTS… No, not strong enough, she NEEDS to hear these things about her. I make sure that my mate knows she’s special, make sure you’re doing the same for your mate. If she’s your World then she needs to hear it, if you love her and could never see your future without her in it, she needs to FEEL it. And say it a little slow, and with meaning behind it.

     Women don’t just hear words, they FEEL them(I know I keep repeating this, ladies, but men are a little slow so hopefully by the end of this article they’ll remember it). Why say it a little slow? Certainly not because of any lack of intelligence, no. Say it slowly so that she can savor the words, so she can look into your eyes and know that you are speaking from your heart.

     I can tell you that over time society, in one way or another, has beaten her down, at least a little, it is your job… It should be your inner passion… To correct this. Positive affirmations are how you correct this. Tell her how amazing she is, tell her how special she is, and show her how much you love her every single day!

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• A little about Relationships

     It has always amazed me how men and women don’t get each other because of one basic difference that people don’t either know or can’t seem to grasp. The difference? Men think logically, women think with their heart. Men hear words(for the most part), women do NOT hear words but instead FEEL them(for the most part), and that IS the fundamental difference. Both sides have to watch what they say to the other, it’s a continual thing but it is necessary for us to coexist.

  
  
  

     For example, I can tell my buddy that he’s getting a bit heavy and he’ll likely say “Yeah, I know it.” as he cracks open another beer and then we’ll chuckle about it. The same statement to my mate would likely give a completely different result. You tell a woman she’s getting a bit heavy and she’s likely to go all quiet, if you’re eating she’ll suddenly stop eating, and in general you’ve devastated her. Her mind starts racing with ways she can lose weight, not eating was the first one so she put the fork down, now in her head she’s hurt and at the same time she’s planning to work out.

     Now, I’m not suggesting you treat women like a babies or children but I most definitely am telling you to nurture her, watch what you say and especially HOW you say it. And for the both of you, make a pact. If this relationship is to work, you NEED communication, so make a pact right here and now that if anything hurts you then you are to say something right then and there and get it corrected IMMEDIATELY. Stewing over something that was nothing is a sure way to kill a relationship.

     Just today, I said something like “Do that when we get inside.”, to my mate as we arrived at a restaurant. I didn’t mean anything by it, but evidently as I was getting out of the car it sounded gruff and mean. She got out of the car, slammed the door and came right to me and said “Why do you have to sound gruff and mean?”. I was taken back a bit, I wasn’t aware it had come out that way. We hugged, I told her I was sorry I ment nothing by it other than we can see our phone screens better inside the building, and that was that. But without communication this would have exploded into something MUCH more than the simple nothing that it was.

• Closing Thoughts

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     So, I guess my closing thought for this article would be to be aware of the fact that you two do not think in the same manner at all. Men and women never have and likely never will. Treat each other with love, affection, and respect always. Oh and watch what you say! Above all else, yeah here comes an old one… COMMUNICATION, COMMUNICATION, COMMUNICATION! Women are a treasure, make sure you respect her, take time to learn her, and show her you love her… Everyday.

Before we can have a successful relationship with

anyone else, we first need to be happy with ourselves.

~Andrew Parris

1. Take responsibility.

   

   
   

      We tend to push responsibility on to others, I think because it’s easier in our minds when something goes wrong. But it doesn’t really make things easier, does it? We’re responsible for ourselves, this is true in all parts of our lives, and that includes our relationships. If we want a happy and healthy relationship with someone else, then we first need to be happy with ourselves. I say this all the time but it seems to need repeating often as a reminder to myself, as well as to others.

      Happiness lives within us, it always has. No one else and no other object will BRING happiness to us, sure they may increase our happiness, but we have to tap into our own happiness first. And when we are in our own happy space we are most approachable anyway, if we are smiling then we are more welcoming. Once we tap in to our own happiness any “bumps in the road” that we may be experiencing in other areas of our lives, including our relationships, tend to correct themselves. (Check out Stumbling on Happiness.)

2. Work to maintain it.

      Feeling distant? Feeling the flame burning down? Like all things in life, relationships take work. We don’t drive our car for very long if we don’t maintain it, do we? Sharing our lives with one another is not always easy, we all have fears of being hurt. But sharing our lives, for starters, and then sharing even more of ourselves as time goes on is how we grow and nurture our relationships. If we want more out of a relationship then we will need to give more of ourself first. (Check out The Road Less Traveled.)

3. Letting go is okay.

      While it’s not always easy, letting go is okay. Sometimes we have to, if someone is bringing us down or mistreating us continually. Life is about being happy and being fulfilled, if someone isn’t helping us to feel this way then we’re honestly better off without them. We should never give up our own happiness in order to keep someone in our lives. Supporting one another and loving each other is an important part of being human after all.

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4. Don’t push your way in.

      Yeah, I guess we all know this one but even I’ve fallen prey to it in my past. If someone isn’t willing to make time in their life for us, if they are not willing to put forth the effort to see how truly special we are, then it is their loss. We should never need to push our way in to someone’s life. Each of us is special, we all have our own uniqueness, but not every one is going to be willing to put forth the effort to see it.

5. Don’t try to change others.

      We all have tried this at one time or another, or at the very least in our minds we’ve wanted too, but we can not change others. The only person who can change YOU is YOU and that is the same for the other people in our lives as well. No, all we can do is tell someone about whatever is bothering us about them and who knows maybe they’ll try to change. It may be an annoying habit that is holding them back in more than one of their relationships, it’s always worth talking about. We can even lead by example, but at the end of the day we can never change someone else.

6. Tell them.

   
   
   

      We all need to feel needed, we need to feel loved, we need to know that we’re appreciated. These are all basic human needs, so tell the ones you love how you feel. Don’t take relationships for granted, show love and appreciation, we never know what we had until it’s gone. Realize that relationships take effort, the reward is love and it is most definitely worth it. I know that life has become rushed, I do, I get it. But please don’t rush off without giving of yourself first. Love is not a luxury, it is a basic need for our lives. A hug, a kind word, or a kiss will make all the difference in your day and theirs.




7. Be nice to each other.

      We have the opportunity every single day to improve our relationships. Say “please” and “thank you”, give hugs freely, and smile at one another. Over the course of an hour, a day, or even a lifetime, the little things truly do add up. I always say “Wear a smile, and share it with everyone you meet, as you go through your day. You honestly never know who’s day you just may change for the better and besides it makes YOU look great and feel amazing!”. Every small gesture of appreciation and affection matter, be nice to each other!

8. Everything changes.

      Humans appear to have a built-in resistance to change, I think it’s a safety feature. But a lot of the time fear of change and the unknown are a bit irrational, change isn’t always a bad thing. As we grow, mature, and life events happen to us… we too change. Life is ever evolving, everything changes.

      Someone telling us that we’ve changed isn’t always bad, it’s just part of life… We all change. Some people will be accepting of the changes in us and some will not, all we can do is keep moving forward. We should never try to be something or someone we’re not, so be you and do it with flair! (Check out Just Be Yourself.)

9. No screaming!

      No one ever truly wins when we allow arguments to get to the point of screaming at each other. Take a deep breath, end the argument, and go blow off some steam. Getting this upset is hard on you physically, mentally, and spiritually. Go for a walk or whatever it is that you need to do in order to calm down, return to the conversation when you BOTH feel you can discuss it calmly. Being mad at someone you truly love can tear you apart inside, burn off any anger immediately as it can have very negative effects on you and your relationship. (Check out The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People.)

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10. Your efforts will be rewarded.

       Last but certainly not least, in all relationships (most of the time) you get out of them what you put into them. Start by being what you seek, in other words if you seek love make sure YOU are someone lovable. Seeking friends? Yeah, you get the idea… Energy flows where attention goes, so if you put your attention on you being more of what you seek… What you seek will come to you. It really is that simple… and it works!

11. Learn Forgiveness

       This is one of the single most important aspects of maintaining a good relationship. We are people and we are capable of making mistakes. Most of these mistakes are nothing more than a compilation of our past, our upbringing, and damage that may have been done to us when we were young. But look into the heart of a person who has made a mistake or an injustice. Where are they now, what do they think about the mistake they made, what are they doing to correct it? No one is perfect and mistakes will be made, learn how to show compassion, understanding, and above all – forgiveness! (Addition by Weylin Doyle)